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Topic: Experiences with Azrael/Kanaloa
saltmachine
Lost Soul


Posts: 4
Joined: May 2015
Posted: May 29 2015,7:47 pm

First of all, I’d like to say that I’m glad that I found this site. I was practicing some google-fu in search of information on Azrael, and the link drew me right into this place. I’ve posted the first part of my experience on a larger forum (some text has been copied), but I’ve been recalling a ton of information since then. This turned out lengthy, so I will break this down into sections.

My primary tool for spiritual work is the tarot, and now I can see that Azrael has been trying to grab my attention through the cards. The Death card has been haunting me as a “person” card for a few years, but I’ve never been afraid of it. Just confused. I personally don’t know any Scorpios or any person that would fit the “Death” personality, so I just assumed that someone would come along…and that would be the end of it. The idea that’s an archangel or a spirit didn’t even occur to me.

Two weeks ago, I had a strong urge to try out a “spirit companion identification” spread, as I could feel a vague “someone” on the periphery. The Death card (plus the Tower and the Moon) showed up in the “Who is it?” positions. Immediately I thought “transition”, followed by “angel of death.” I heard a bell ring off in my head, followed by a strong feeling of “Yes! You got it.” Well, alrighty then.

Right away, I felt a big presence in the room. I got an impression of Azrael’s personality instantly. I wrote out the description and posted it on the other forum, just to throw it out there, and almost immediately another user (Holly) swooped in to confirm it.

I asked my new friend if he had been communicating with me subconsciously.

“We know each other,” he said. “Do you remember?”

I thought, Well…yes. Everyone meets with Death as they reincarnate over and over again. Everyone knows him.

He asked again, “Do you remember?”

So I decided to flip through one of my journals. There is dream that has stuck with me, one that I recorded several years back:

9-16-11

Last night, I had a dream that I was at an amusement park. I was on one of those swing carousels, going around and around. The sky was mostly overcast, but sometimes the landscape briefly morphed into strange, distorted scenes that were at times chaotic (red skies, explosions, crazy people, etc.) and at times pleasant (meadows, sunlight, pleasant music not typical of a carnival). As the ride ended, I spotted a man watching me as the swings slowed and floated back to the ground. He wore black jeans, black denim jacket, and a black T-shirt underneath, and he held a lit cigar between his fingers. He was just chillin’ there, leaning casually against the metal railing next to the turnstile.

My dream self recognized him (my conscious self doesn’t). I ran over to him, and he embraced me.

“Did you have fun?” he asked.

“I did.”

“Good. I’d like to take you home.”

We left the park through the front gate and made our way towards an old pick-up truck. He opened the passenger’s door for me, and I just stood there because I couldn’t bring myself to get close to him again. I wouldn’t say that I was afraid. More like overwhelmed. At the same time I just wanted to melt into him.

He must’ve sensed this, because he walked around towards the driver’s seat, leaving the passenger door open. I climbed in, he started the engine, and I couldn’t help but lay my head against his shoulder. The feeling was so intense that I woke up.

I did not get a good look at his face—I was too shy to look—but it doesn’t matter because the energy was the bulk of the experience. Once I was awake, I stayed in bed for a solid fifteen minutes without moving. I can still feel it. It’s beautiful. I’ve never felt so loved, other than my experiences with [my spirit companion]. And the funny part is that, on the surface, it would have been a rather ordinary dream if it weren’t for the fact that I’m kinda blissing out right now. Holy ####.


I described the dream to a friend of my mother’s, and the first thing she said was this: “That sounds like angelic energy”. At the time, I had only heard of three archangels—Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael—and I was in the process of moving from agnosticism to Christianity (which was a brief phase) to personal gnosis. The woman’s suggestion actually sounded spot on, but the idea of angels sounded too “fluffy” and a reversion to Christianity. And even if I wanted to, I just couldn’t connect the experience to any of the three archangels I had listed. Or even a personal guardian angel. Plus, I was slightly embarrassed at how emotional I got over it. So I marked the journal entry as “unknown entity.” I now know better than to place barriers and labels on spiritual experience, but that was the starting point. I got extremely busy with college and work, so I forgot about it until recently.

I made the mistake of telling my mother about it that same morning. She got frightened at the “taking you home” part and said, “You better not die on me.” Well, it’s been close to four years, and I’m still around.

So Azrael’s been hanging around since then. I thought that the dream was the only thing that I needed to reexamine, but at night he still asked me, “Do you remember?”

“Yeah, I remember the time you picked me up at the theme park.”

“And what else?”

So I dug deeper…

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saltmachine
Lost Soul


Posts: 4
Joined: May 2015
Posted: May 29 2015,7:49 pm

I’m not sure if anyone here has heard of Kanaloa, the Hawai’ian death god.

I was born during a brief visit to San Diego, but my parents lived on Maui. I spent my early childhood there. In early 2013, I attended an ethnographic field school in Hawai’i, and I saw it as an opportunity to visit my old home. I didn’t understand why I was so bent on visiting our old house from twenty years ago, but I was not going to say “no” to going to school on the islands, either.

The octopus has always been a favorite animal of mine, so…like a little kid, I became curious about Kanaloa as soon as I learned about him at a dig site. I did library research on him while a buddy and I were procrastinating on a project. I was thinking, “Oh, hey, an octopus god. I wonder what he has power over.”

Death, rebirth/regeneration, darkness, healing, magic.

This was before I started putting the pieces together, so I thought that was just a fun piece of trivia. However, throughout my stay, I could sense a strong, melancholic longing coming out of nowhere. I thought driving by our old house would fix it, but it didn’t. It wasn’t nostalgia. The feelings lingered a little bit after I flew back to San Francisco…and I forgot about them.

One of the mental images I saw while getting acquainted with Azrael last week was the glassy surface of a vast, still ocean. I first interpreted it as a “picture” of his temperament—Azrael is very calm on the surface—but he kept bringing up the mental image. It turns out that Kanaloa is not only Death but also the Ocean. That makes sense…the ocean is a graveyard as well as the cradle of life. It is also a common dream symbol for the subconscious, change, and transience. The octopus and squid are his “kinolau” (or physical manifestations. Not quite the same concept as a “sacred animal.” Hawaiians believed that the octopus is Kanaloa, just as Death and the Ocean are both Kanaloa). And then I remembered another dream I had recorded a year before I visited Hawaii:

5-12-12

Last night, I dreamt of walking on the beach, where I spotted a dying octopus washed up on the rocks. Somehow, I sensed that he was still alive but needed help as soon as possible. So I carried him back into the sea. I remember struggling a bit as I climbed upward, because the rocks were high up and the waves crashed against them. The octopus died before I reached the waves in time…I figured that I would at least return him to the sea. As soon as his body touched the water, he was revived. I watched him swimming around and became fascinated by his beauty. He grew to a healthy size, and I could see that he was bright orange with white spots. I was so entranced that I did not notice a large tidal wave rolling in, and I was swept up in the current.
For a few moments everything was dark and fuzzy. I felt some invisible force tugging my body under. Strangely, I wasn’t afraid.

At some point, I found myself in bed with a man. We were inside of a sunken ship lodged into the ocean floor. I sensed that the man was actually the octopus, yet somehow, during that scene transition, he shape-shifted into a human being. There was no sex, but he embraced me tight and kissed passionately. Not on the lips but on the cheeks, throat, and neck. I was shy to look at him, so I shut my eyes. He leaned in to place gentle kisses on my closed eyelids. He was very kind and loving, but my dream-self did not open up to him. I wanted to open, but something stopped me. I could sense sorrow from him, and when he got up from the bed, I woke up.


As I re-read the entry, I asked Azrael, “Is that you?” And he responded, “Yes.” He explained that Kanaloa was the mask he wore while helping me transition into this life, and now he mostly comes to me as the archangel Azrael. He answers to both names. And here I thought that octopi are just cool…and that the second dream was utter nonsense.

So…there’s that.

Nowadays, I’ve been seeing a large, shadowy man. He’s been following around and talking with me, but I’ve been having the hardest time getting myself to look directly at him. The other night he asked if he could lie beside me, and I made room for him. I could feel him stroking my hand.

“It’s okay to look at me,” he whispered. When I didn’t respond because of shyness, he asked, “Can I look at you?”

“Yeah.”

He inched closer, and in my mind’s eye, I could see the shape of his face and shoulders. I flicked my eyes away…I really couldn’t help it. That may sound silly, turning into an emotional goo pile over just an eye gaze. He didn’t force me to look at him, though I could feel him gazing right through me.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling,” I told him.

“It’s okay.” He pulled away and resettled himself beside me. I’ve noticed that some people describe his presence as “cold.” It’s a little different for me. I can feel heat when he’s right there.

During the day, it feels like we talk to each other through a veil. I think he’s waiting for me to remove it. I will, at some point. I’ve had formal relationships with deities and guides before, so this level of intensity is something quite new to me. I was not even remotely interested in angels until two weeks ago.

The more I dwell on this, the more I’m remembering things. Small things like hearing a male voice call my name loud and clear in an empty hallway…feeling little ghostly touches (I felt the love but then scolded myself and said that they were just muscle spasms)…smelling cigar smoke at the strangest times…thirteen crows flocking in a single tree and making a racket right outside my window. It’s like searching frantically for your dearest friend, only to find him standing right behind you.

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Leilah
Lady Death


Posts: 6081
Joined: Feb. 2001
Posted: May 30 2015,4:49 pm

Welcome aboard, Saltmachine, and thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It used to be more active here, but everything kind of SADLY transitioned over to Facebook over the years, but I sincerely appreciate that you chose to come here and share. You are certainly NOT ALONE. Those who have been chosen by Azrael (or, whatever name you ascribe), have had very similar encounters.

I am hoping that your coming will bring back many others and that you will continue to always find a home both here, and in His embrace!

Amorte!

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"Death stands above me whispering low, I know not what into my ear; Of His strange language all I know is, there is not a word of fear."

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Morgan
Owned by Donn & Than


Posts: 9123
Joined: May 2004
Posted: May 30 2015,6:52 pm

Hiya!  It'll be nice to have someone here beside me posting 90 odd percent of the stuff.

:2bounce:

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NAMASTE, AND MY VASUKI LICK YOUR NOSE!

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saltmachine
Lost Soul


Posts: 4
Joined: May 2015
Posted: June 01 2015,2:45 pm

Hi, you two. And thanks! Good to know that I'm not jumping the gun. I'm not a fan of Facebook, so I understand the frustration.

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Morgan
Owned by Donn & Than


Posts: 9123
Joined: May 2004
Posted: June 01 2015,7:23 pm

I don't HAVE a farcebook acct.

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NAMASTE, AND MY VASUKI LICK YOUR NOSE!

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saltmachine
Lost Soul


Posts: 4
Joined: May 2015
Posted: June 09 2015,2:46 am

I’ve been busy lately, so the other day I used the cards to briefly connect with Azrael. I’ve been aware of his presence still, but I haven’t had much of a chance to talk with him properly. I singled out the Death card, asked him what message he had for me (if any), reshuffled, and picked out another card as his answer. The Hanged Man in the deck I’m using shows a body floating in the ocean. I usually see it as an unconscious person. This time I thought of a corpse.

That following night, he visited me in another dream:

I was walking along on the sidewalk of a city that floated in the middle of the ocean. The individual buildings were islands within themselves, and the “streets” were entirely of water. I don’t recall seeing people anywhere.

At one point in my walk, I turned around and spotted a tall, dark man following. I took off in a run, and he chased after me, leaping over the floating buildings and waterways. I wasn’t afraid of him, but I was absolutely terrified of tripping and falling into the ocean. Just when I was sure that I had won the game, he caught me in the middle of a jump, and we both plummeted into the water. He had his huge arms around my waist as we fell.

I struggled against him, the sun growing dim as we sank to the ocean floor. I was drowning and flailing my arms around, but he prevented my escape by holding me tight from behind. Eventually, I lost the will to free myself, and I just sat there on his lap as I waited for death.

As we both remained anchored in that one spot, I noticed pinpricks of fairy-like, multi-colored light in the darkness. I watched them float around, and I became fascinated as these strange, alien creatures emerged and glowed all around us. Their bodies were translucent, and their skeletons shone all different colors via bioluminescence. I forgot that I was busy drowning, and I breathed as if I was back on land.

This wasn’t clear to me until Azrael chuckled and leaned forward to whisper into my ear, “Hi. You’re dead.” And yet I felt more alive than ever before.

Strangely, when I was “drowning”, I didn't actually feel the saltwater enter my lungs. Rather the fear of dying was what stopped my breathing. Now, as he held me there and I fully relaxed into his embrace, the water flooded into my body, and we both sank even further down into the darkness. I was locked in his embrace still, and I could feel his chest pressed against my back. At the same time, I gradually sensed that the vast ocean around us was also him. His presence engulfed me as it continued to pour itself into my “dead” body. The dream overall felt strongly erotic...which is mind-blowing because I identify as asexual. I realize that physical attraction and spiritual-sexual communion are entirely different from each other, but I make this note because the intensity and tone of the dream took me by surprise...as this topic has taken a backseat over the years. I did have a few spiritual-sexual encounters with a different entity when I was much younger, so the sensations/feelings I experienced in this dream--though near-impossible to describe--were very familiar.

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