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Topic: dance with the reaper, azrael found me not the other way around
blackanimism
Reaper


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Joined: Nov. 2011
Posted: Nov. 15 2011,6:21 pm

For many years I had some personal problems, and a few years ago I decided to start dealing with them.  I won't go into the boring details, but part of process included meditation and study of the occult and shamanism.  I had little experience, but at the time I wanted to project into the astral, and I was trying a few techniques.  One day I was finally successful with a shamanic trance and that was also the day I met who I presume to be Azrael.  

I was on a boat in a river, it was very dark.  A skeleton approached me, and I felt a deep emotional connection, he also displayed a diamond to me (the shape not the stone).  Over the next couple of years I met him more and more frequently, we danced on rolling dunes, ran through the forests, and I also invoked him many times. He always appeared powerful, friendly, and to have some kind of authority in terms of death. Even as naive as I was at first I knew this was not the soul of a dead person.  He became like an older brother, a teacher, and a few times a guardian if I became flustered in a trance state.  These experiences have become central to my work.  

After a while I would sometimes sense Azrael during normal times of the day, seeing him my mind's eye.  One day I saw him in the middle of work, and I was wondering why he had come.  The next day I heard that my grandfather had a heart attack, but he did not die.  

I also began performing some core shamanic exercises (I don't consider myself a shaman), like meeting animal spirits and undergoing the dismemberment ritual.  Azrael was often there watching, guiding me through the astral and often strengthening the level of trance.  But more often he and I discussed the nature of fear, and ways to face the dark side of the mind in a constructive way.  

To be perfectly honest, I did not know who this entity was for some time. Certain perspectives of some neo-shaman and necromancers confused me a little.  Some thought this entity was the human form of an animal spirit, but I never thought so.  I'm really happy to hear that some indeed have had similar experiences regarding death.

Edited by blackanimism on Nov. 16 2011,12:46 am

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Pain is the only real teacher

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Kit
Necromancer


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Posted: Dec. 12 2011,12:01 pm

Could you elaborate on what you mean by dismemberment ritual? I think I am familiar with the meeting of spirit animals (it a long and amusing(in my opinion) story).

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blackanimism
Reaper


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Posted: Dec. 14 2011,12:15 am

The way I do it is basically self explanatory and was entirely astral without any props besides music if that could be counted.  I met a large congregation of entities who I had worked with in the past, a few were animals, some were basically what I might describe as mystics of different schools of thought.  By that I mean one looked almost stone age in style, another was wearing a black robe, etc.  Parts of me were sliced off one limb at a time, and each time the whole thing grew more intense.  Azrael was there the whole time but he was not holding the blade which was doing the work.  Just before i was about to be fully broken apart I saw this one entity who I contact quite rarely, that of a beautiful woman, which does resemble the whole guardian angel concept or jung's anima perhaps.  technically that was the only time I did it, I made it seem like I had done it more often in the first post my apologies.

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Pain is the only real teacher

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Kit
Necromancer


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Posted: Dec. 14 2011,10:34 am

What is the objective of this ritual? It seems to me a ritual of purification, and shedding the outer layers of the self. Though it seems to me a presumption to assume anything with so little info.

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blackanimism
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Posted: Dec. 14 2011,11:02 pm

Really its more of a rebirth than a purification, similar but a bit more intense.  The self is reborn or reassembled after the dismemberment.  I have heard of some pretty bad side effects from this particular ritual which is why I haven't done it very many times and if I want a purification I use something less intense.  One of the reasons I came to this forum was because out of all the people I was talking to about shamanism, not a single one reported meeting a personification of death more than a few times, and some seemed weary of even working with darker energies.  Then on the flip side every necromancer I met was using scrying mirrors and props that I don't really like.  But I think I'm a necromancer first and a shamanic practitioner second.  

It seems to me this ritual is sometimes done too soon by those working on a neo-shamanic path, or perhaps its just that many neo-shaman i have encountered focus so much on the white light new agey aspect of shamanic techniques, which is really a pretty risky or even inappropriate outlook considering how intense indigenous shamanism is.  I spoke with someone whose husband was having some really bad effects from one of these, felt spaced out all the time, irritable, always tired. I really felt the need to warn people that real ecstatic experience is not always this pretty fluffy age of aqarius with crystals type thing (just as it isn't dependent on drugs).  I'm not saying I hate new age types or anything like that, but you know what I mean.

Ever since I solidified my practice with a dismemberment I have had many spontaneous experiences most visionary some, energetic.  That was really the purpose of doing a dismemberment for me.  so really this is the part of what I do that doesn't have much to do with death, although so many of my visions involve azrael or whichever name you wish to use.  I don't want to go too into but yeah I've gone through something similar to shamanic madness.

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Kit
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Posted: Dec. 15 2011,12:19 pm

Sounds interesting. What do you mean by shamanic madness? I've experienced something a druid called 'poetic frenzy' while wandering in the remote wilds, but I have yet to hear of shamanic madness.

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blackanimism
Reaper


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Posted: Dec. 16 2011,2:27 pm

shamanic madness is kind of a catch all that can mean different things in different cultures, sometimes associated with near death experience and sometimes with a pre-shaman's psychosis, sometimes both.  It is very hard to generalize about shamanism, although many do and I'm pretty skeptical about that.  However for me it was a ten year period of suicidal depression that culminated in amphetamine psychosis and then gave way afterward to a meeting with the personification of death, a removal of most symptoms of mental illness, and generally that I became an occultist and necromancer and etc (all of that after I quit that nasty speed habit).  My psychotic symptoms were not as severe as many I've read about and I'm grateful for that.  

Usually if you read about indigenous shamanism you will find some pretty extreme cases of this, but with new core shamanism it isn't really there, which has caused a lot skepticism about core shamanism in general from some points of view which liken it to new age spirituality rather than real shamanism.  I feel like I'm in between those two however because I'm not a shaman anyway I'm just a necromancer who for some reason has shamanic leanings, or that's just where this has all taken me.

I actually don't know much about poetic frenzy.

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Kit
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Posted: Dec. 16 2011,5:22 pm

To make a long story short I was on an island in the middle of a lake between two glaciers in a mountain valley in Alaska. I felt a profound connection to the place, and that it was somehow aware even. I entered a trance like state and communicated with the land on a visceral level. I then felt the urge to write poetry, and if the faint memories I have of what burned in my mind is correct then it would have been #### good poetry. As things stand I have only the memory of the words like a radiant flame in my mind, perhaps my appraisal of the poetry was so high do the what was feeling rather than any actually quality. As things stand now I will likely never know.

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blackanimism
Reaper


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Posted: Dec. 17 2011,3:45 pm

That sounds very interesting.  I have had something similar but not to that degree.

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Pain is the only real teacher

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Kit
Necromancer


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Posted: Dec. 18 2011,4:28 pm

What were the circumstances, if I may inquire?

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