Rachael the RedHeaded Angel
Joined: Feb. 2009
|Posted: Feb. 26 2009,11:30 pm
(this is kind of long, tried to make it short as possible lol )
Since I was born my family has always revolved around death and such. I grew up in my grandmothers house, she was a witch...magic runs in my mothers side of the family along with spiritism. I've seen many spirits, many demons and have felt there energies before. Demonic energies, or fallen ones are scary as anything.
I have had many situations with facing those energies, to the point they've made me sick and had to go to the hospital. Since I grew up around all these spiritual energies of different kinds I can ushually easy pick up on general spirits today.
I've never really told anyone this though except my parents and tried telling the Elders at my old church. But no one takes me serious I guess.
My first funeral was in kidnergarden, we had baby chicks hatch and one of them was born all black. Ironically enough the teacher let me name it and I named it "blacky" I was very attached to it...but it died a few days later and the class burried it. when I was 13 our older friend of the family died of cancer, slow and painfully. His room was right below mine and I am pretty sure the energies I felt we're death energies. Not 100% sure though but it wasn't what I've felt before. It scared me knowing that death was in our house.
I was 13 when he died and they had him in a home full of cancer patiants. That moment stuck me the most because I could read them all, there eyes and there souls cried out in helplessness, they we're frightened and held such fear. They looked at me knowing I would live and they could die any second. The moment still haunts me to this day, it was absolutely horrible.
I also used to be a very naive christian, I had a lot of very christian friends at my church but once they saw I was depressed about my friend dying funnily enough they abandoned me. All but one or two anyways.
Then later on we had to move back to my grandmothers house which we left four years ago because she was sick, she was having strokes on and off. I spent the entire summer in the hospital and at home helping my mother take care of her.
That entire summer my friend invited me over once and just because I was exhosted, threw on a quick black pair of clothes ( I always loved black) As soon as I arrived I was thrown a bunch of labels such as gothic, satanic and paganistic.
I just went inside and played the piano...
We moved back when the hospital put my grandma in a nursing home. My dad started drinking and we had all these financial and religious issues. The church blamed me for our familys problems, and our familys problems we're acturally from the churches people. They sued us for something I was too young to understand. I was 15 at the time and prayed for guidance. My dad got into a drunk driving accident and lived, but the people he hit sued us which made us quite poor. I was very upset and went through depression at this time. My religion turned my father against me, he hated me and said hurtful things and trashed my room until finally he relized it did no good and the people of the church we're out of there mind.
My friends all left me, I dropped out of school for a while because there was no way I could focus. One night I broke down and me and parents got into a horrible fight and I tried to stop it but I in turn got screamed at for an hour like.
My body wanted to die, I gave up and completely could not take it anymore.
Because of my dads verbal abuse I passed out crying and woke up later that night feeling a strange energy.
Despite how I had shut my window the curtains we're moving like there was a breeze in the room. I herd a voice against my ear and it terrifide me, I couldn't move. I was frozen, I thought it was my dad but he was snoring away.
As frightened as I was, I was still exhosted and too tired to care. As I mentioned I wanted to die...
I passed out again and the next morning my dad was paralized and couldn't move, his body felt as though he had been beaten up. He told me he saw some horrible shadow standing over me last night and that it came after him. He was as white as a ghost, it was never normal for my dad to be afraid of something. If he is scared of anything, I know for a fact it truly is something to be worried about. But I didn't worry about it, I didn't care anymore. The next night my dad saw it again, but he told me it didn't seem so scary to him apperently. I didn't care.
I didn't know what to believe, but I felt like I was being watched by something new.
I started smelling dead flowers and rain when I went for walks.
I started feeling unique energies that we're unlike most spirits.
I also started drawing this spirit following me, I drew it with a cloak. Piercing eyes and a scythe. I named the Spirit "Avian" but wanted to know it's real name.
"Avian" who turned out to be Azrael all along. Helped me out a lot spiritualy.
But when I turned 20 things went downhill and I got a deep anger, and hatred inside of me. I lost my faith and got completly abandoned at church. My friends really hurt me and I just wanted nothing more to do with the so called "light". I forgot about "Avian" and lost myself to my inner demons. I let my hatred consume me and evil spirits floated freely around me. There energies made me sick on and off. Every night I'd get sick and be violently angry. I got into fights with my parents and almost got arrested a few times.
It was when my grandma died I finally snapped...
I always loved my grandma and was crushed cuz she had so many dreams to see me grow up, get married and was just such a hopeful and strong woman, She taught me a lot of things...I am still in pain of her loss today along with other things. There is a lot of pain in my heart but a lot of strength in my soul.
I was the one who had told everyone she was dead, I walked into the room wearing my black hoodie and could already sense she was gone. The nurse was bothering to check her pulse and I said " she's dead"...the nurse looked at me and then her noticing she was dead also and then back at me strangely and rushed out of the room as if she was scared of me or something.
No one would help or understand me and I felt so confused, frustraited and utterly LOST. I needed a sign. Until one day I went into the book store and I saw this book on angels and such. I opened it up and flipped through the pages to find this angel that looked exactly like the spirit I had been drawing.
I almost gasped when I saw it, and finally learned his real name.
I read about Azrael and looked for information, I baught the book as well.
Since I've learned his name and spoke of it softly in the dark...
I've never been spiritually sick like that again, I've got my faith back and I've slept more peaceful.
I've connected more to him and have been more aware of things.
And am still looking to connect more, hence why I found your site
Azzy is a better friend then anyone at my church was....
We're more connected then I'd imagined
I got a pretty decent feeling I'm going to end up being an Angel Of Death myself..but who knows..
In the Summer my eyes were opened
In the Fall I dug my grave
In the Winter I wandered into a world of wonder.
In the Spring I'll repeat the same.
But when will Autumn come?
And what will it bring?....