Joined: July 2003
|Posted: Sep. 14 2013,12:15 pm
|Quote (Morgan @ Sep. 13 2013,7:49 pm)|
|I am amazed that you made it to where you are. I also wonder what you did in a former life to get stuck with this assignment in this cesspool of a realm.|
My life was no where near as bad as yours, but boy; do I hate living here. Yet I remember asking for it, and asking for what hardships I did get so that I could become what I have become. The epitome of obnoxiousness. Or at least I try. I am also serious about wanting to get cremated and having the remains flushed down the toilet as a big FU to life itself. Being a near death survivor does NOT help my 'tude. I am soooooo sick of being barred from unlimited Akashic Knowledge, and not being self contained, and having to follow these stupid rules to keep from being incarcerated or fined, and basically being a feather in the wind, if you know what I mean.
I am a control freak over my own existence, and a complete sovereignty nut who does NOT like being inconvenienced by someone else's choosing. It's also a pain in the butt being fully aware of how limited, compromised and stupid we are here, and how programmed we are by our fellow mortal flotsam idiots. Though I am less programmed than most, and therefore no doubt considered a little bit on the psychotic side, but in my opinion that makes me saner that the majority who do the dayyamnedest things. Then again, I used to be a bit more programmed than I am now, and I spent a few years of my life playing a few more of the silly games that the majority play, but I got over it. I can blame ego for most of it.
Ego, I still have; though it's been rerouted. No way will I say I'm better that who or whatever for that is far from true, but I can say to anything and anyone, 'FOR MY OWN SAKE ALONE, I DO NOT NEED YOU FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE OF WHAT I KNOW; SO GO AWAY'. I'm pretty 'neener-neenerish' about that fact, and I will admit it's not nice; but oh well.
It's nice having a stong schizoid streak.
I am too sometimes! As for what I did to get born into this life I have lived, I don't know what I could have done to deserve this. I was very young when I was killed. Couldn't have been more than 6 years old. I was stuck in some sort of institution...my gut reaction is that I was in a poor house/orphanage sometime in the late 1800's. I was a severe handfull, and was abused by the staff. I was deathly ill, and my crib/bed/cage was right below an open window. I pulled myself out of my prone position, grabbed the bars, and screamed at the carriages below. As soon as I did that, I fell back into the mattress. I couldn't breathe. And then I slipped away. I can remember the warm, soft darkness holding me. And then I cannot recall anything else. In this life my memories start up at age 2, which is when the rape by my father started.
As for living this life, yes, it has been horrid quite a bit. But I do have my 33 years of marriage to the same man. Despite our differences, he has stood by me most of the time. I have our two sons, who are wonderful, loving men now. I did undergo that 17 sessions of electro-convulsive therapy in an effort to rid myself of the bad memories, but all it did was fry my brain and make matters worse. But now I am slipping away bit by bit. It can be frustrating, scary and by the same token, my downward slide does have it's benefits. Ignorance IS bliss. And I no longer need to endure some of the bad memories, as they are dwindling away.
I can assure you, at least I think I can...that before you know it, your time in this cycle will end before you know it. Then the Akashic Knowledge will be yours once again. Hang tight Morgan...bliss is coming again. It's just a matter of patience!
Death is the liberator of him whom freedom cannot release, the physician of him whom medicine cannot cure, and the comforter of him whom time cannot console.